**Below this intro is an interview with my friend, Ariel Kanter. She’s currently celebrating the three-year anniversary of her Substack, Rel’s Recs, with a giveaway. Anyone who subscribes before March 24th with be entered to win some Le Creuset loot!
I sometimes think about quitting Instagram, but for no real deep or thoughtful reason. Social media is everything under the sun at any random time: tiresome, inspiring, campy, shocking, degrading, funny, soulless, soulful, tender, buoying, dreadful, helpful, hurtful, kind, vicious, et al. With it being so nebulous, I can spend days forgetting about Instagram entirely, only to return feeling energized by the limitless potential of a blank canvas, cackling merrily as I hunt for emojis.
Since making it a bigger aspect of my business, I find the relationship is healthier. It doesn’t feel as personal, and I get a little jolt of excitement when I assume the title of Chief Marketing Officer, a position for which I didn’t interview and from which I can never get fired (ha). I tend to frequently inflate my own importance as a participant in the vast network of internet engagement, easily becoming ashamed or disappointed with a less-than-viral hit (most of my posts are not viral), which is when I need a time-out.
As much as I groan inwardly at such an introspective artist’s mentality, it really is about the process. I get a thicker skin every time I post. I have more ideas with each brainstorm. I hesitate to say I get better at sharing because the benchmark is so wildly different literally depending on the day but I do think I’ve become somewhat adaptable, a skill I was woefully missing in the past. And also I just like it. It’s cathartic and fun. Whether my page becomes a portfolio of my best work or my worst, my funniest ideas or my most harebrained, a shrine to my kids or carefully curated self-indulgence, I really enjoy having a place to share the things that make me laugh.
The best part is the messages and comments. One day I got a DM from a gal named Ariel. I don’t remember what the original subject matter was about but I liked her immediately just from the messages. Come to find out she’s an Auntie to her sister’s kids. I guess you’d have to interview the kids to be certain what they think, but I interviewed her about what it means to Aunt your heart out and I think she’s the “it” girl. There are a lot of parenting books. There are a lot of parenting blogs. There are a lot of Instagram pages with adults performing the bizarre and unscripted things that came from the mouths of babes. But there are very few (if any?) guides on how to “Aunt” aka how to do your darndest to become a fortified support system for the struggling, thriving, exhilarated, exhausted parents in your life.
I interviewed Ariel to hear more about her recently submitted proposal for the book, “Auntie” (and to ask her about how she curates such fun and interesting product recommendations on her Substack - Rel’s Recs. As you can tell, I’m fond of her newsletter!). The interview is slightly edited and condensed for brevity’s sake.
What is “Auntie” about? Auntie is a guidebook for aunts who are looking to forge meaningful relationships with the kids in their lives, while supporting moms (who need the help more than ever). Being an aunt is a huge part of my life. I live down the street from my sister, brother-in-law, and their kids. I spend a lot of my time with them.
Did you see that ominous warning from the Surgeon General that parenting is hazardous for your health?? That really confirmed to me that moms need an extra safety net. Ultimately, a mom that is cared for is going to be a better parent, too. This is why I believe that being an aunt isn't just about spending time with the kids, it's about reducing mental load for moms and making their lives less...hazardous. And truly, all of this cheerleading provides me with fulfillment, since I'm not having my own kids.
How did you decide to organize the topics “Auntie” covers? Each chapter of the book has an “auntie” superpower (provide safety, give warmth, etc). They include tips, services, recipes, and other actionable things you can do — like cleaning out mom’s closet — to reduce that unseen mental load. Because there are lots of invisible things that can weigh her down. While an aunt can't necessarily "parent," she can intuit a mother’s needs and take some of the burden off her plate. Critically, a good auntie will do all of this without judgment.
Has writing the book changed any of your perspectives about Aunting? I didn’t think that this role was particularly important growing up. But now it is so important to me to provide these kids with a safe space, different perspectives, and new experiences. I hope it will enrich their lives and make them less fearful about what is different — and what makes them different from the world around them. As I was writing I was realizing how awesome it is to have this privilege of being in their lives. It has been really fruitful for me. Part of the book is also about my journey of not having kids. Writing it all down has started to help me accept this path.
Since we met via Instagram, I’m curious to know if/how you’ve strategized your content to reflect your Auntie life. I’m really motivated to start being more outspoken and try to become more of an authority on aunt stuff. A lot of influencers who post about being an aunt are not the types I want to be. A lot of aunt stuff I see is the bad influence. The mom says no to something and the aunt says yes. That makes everyone miserable. You send a kid back who’s worse off than before. In my opinion, an aunt shouldn’t be endorsing bad behavior. They should be extending the good behavior that parents are trying to create. You know, I’m fun! I have gum! But i would never go against my sister and buy something for my niece that she wouldn’t want her to have.
I find your Substack (Rel’s Recs) so fun and varied. Tell me the origin story! My first post was March 2022 and I went full throttle on recommendations. I like shopping and I’ve always been excited about helping people find things that make their lives better. It’s genuinely very satisfying for me to help people find stuff.1 Like, “I need a hyper-specific MIL gift,” or “a boot with this exact shape and heel height.” I’ll spend hours searching for just the thing. I get a lot of fulfillment by helping other people feel fulfilled. Even if it’s lipstick or cleaning supplies! I think of it as a long game. Building up trust. Helping people find what they need. If there’s a payout, great. But I also just really like shopping, so Rel's Recs is a wonderful outlet for that.
Follow on Instagram: Auntie Ari and Ariel Kanter
Substack: Rel's Recs
Thank you for reading! Don’t forget to subscribe to Ariel before March 24th in order to be entered in her three-year Substack-iversary Le Creuset giveaway!
Yours,
Alli
The honest truth if I’ve ever heard it. One time I asked her about a very specific type of loafers I’d been dreaming about. She sent me a slew of brilliant (and price-varied!) recommendations within ten minutes matching my exact description. It was downright wizardly.